Saturday, May 25, 2013

FREE AS A PHOENIX


Mythical creatures have always fascinated me.
Not so much short little people with hairy feet- but rather griffins, dragons and the beasts of legends.  
The human imagination is a very powerful and amazing thing.

One of the stories that fascinated me most was that of the Phoenix.
As this beautiful bird would came to the end of its life, it would spontaneously rupture into flames and burn to a crisp, leaving nothing but a black, meaningless pile of ash as the only evidence of its existence.

This legend, however, was not a story of death but rather of new beginnings and new life.
The phoenix would arise from the ash as a more beautiful, more graceful, more magnificent version of itself.

Not much literature, however, dedicates itself to the understanding of how the Phoenix felt about its rather unusual life progression.
I have not been able to find any Oprah interview on the “end of life experience” of being burned to an untimely death.
I doubt the Phoenix (had it existed) would have been given an opportunity to write the bestselling autobiography, “Crispier than Chargrilled Chicken: The story of surviving the flames.”
If I were to speculate, I doubt the phoenix’s fiery rebirth into a new life was a very pleasant experience.

And in my spiritual walk, I can relate to the Phoenix.

Last year was probably one of the most challenging years of my life.
Through the combination of subtle struggles and the megaphones of major life changes, I was left metaphorically watching my life burn into a pile of ash.
I had fought so long to hold onto the things that I was idolising and the moment I finally decided to surrender them to God, all hope was seemingly lost as my idols slipped through my fingers.

Looking back I was pretty resentful to God.
I didn’t understand that He was with me through it all and I was struggling to trust that He had a plan.
He didn’t care, and my meaningless purpose seemed to be summed up in ashes that were my life.

At least that’s what I thought…

But, like the phoenix, something beautiful and majestic did come out of my personal pile of ash.
As my blistering skin and my burnt out heart began to heal, I slowly realised how much God had used the pain for my good, just as He had promised to do.
The choice to surrender began in a fire, but out of the pain of that situation, God has called me onto an incredible adventure and journey that has led me to a deeper understanding of grace, love and community.
While it wasn’t a sudden change, I now feel the wonderful joy of soaring on the thermals of His deep love and blessings.  
Before the flames, I didn’t really realise how much I was missing but He has used this time to show me, raising me as a more beautiful, more magnificent and more trusting daughter.

If you are enduring the flames that seem like the end of a life, I can’t really say anything that will take away the pain of fire and heat against your skin.
I can’t even tell you that you will come out as the same person or that parts of you won’t be scathed in the process.
What I can tell you is that Gods love, like the Phoenix, is immortal.
If you let Him, He can raise a more beautiful you from your meaningless pile of ash.
Trusting Him, you can be free to fly like the Phoenix.

4 comments:

  1. amen, dear sister. I love the word picture you used of "soaring on the thermals of His deep love" - that is a beautiful picture of our idols being burned up by His love and us soaring above them. Praise God for your perspective.
    Perspective is KEY - what we focus on determines our attitudes and actions. (I heard that in a lecture this year)
    So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
    I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

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  2. Wow Robz!
    This is an amazingly powerful and beautiful post! It, too, has risen up like the Phoenix - transformed from the original and deeply, deeply touching. Well done for sticking with it....You have done good! I am so proud of you and your deep wisdom. Keep it up. With love from your Mom. <3

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  3. Beautiful, honey, just beautiful.

    I recall a sermon from many years ago that came to mind as I was reading your blog post. This is what my priest said about death:

    After conception we are nurtured in our mothers' wombs. Quiet, warm, never hungry, never frightened a perfect environment made just for us. A home that none of us would ever want to leave. We knew every square inch of that perfect place. A place provided just for us to grow and to thrive.

    Then, without warning, something happens. The womb begins to contract causing us great discomfort. The once beautiful place that nurtured us so completely becomes a place of fear. We don't know what's happening. We don't know why. We don't know how to make it stop. We don't know where we will be or how we will be at the end of this miserable pain and pressure and fright.

    Then, it happens - we are born. At first we are confused, then we are wrapped in a warm blanket and placed into our mother's loving, tender arms. Now we clearly hear and understand the voice that murmured to us while we grew in our mother's womb and now see her kind and loving face. Our previous fear is gone. Our worry is gone. What seemed like the most terrible experience of our short lives is now forgotten - we have been born.

    Then, my priest said, that is what death is like. We may fear it. We may feel much discomfort and pain when the process begins. But, when the cycle is complete we are thrust into new life and placed into the arms of our loving Father. A Father who gave us mortal life and now blesses us with our immortal lives to live in Paradise for eternity.

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  4. Bobz....
    Hi, I am Raelyn, and your Mom sent me here!! ;)
    "The human imagination is a very powerful and amazing thing.". I can't but agree!! I have always been grateful for my imagination!! ;-D
    "The phoenix would arise from the ash as a more beautiful, more graceful, more magnificent version of itself.". Mmmm.... I love that concept!! ;)
    "Looking back I was pretty resentful to God. I didn’t understand that He was with me through it all and I was struggling to trust that He had a plan. He didn’t care, and my meaningless purpose seemed to be summed up in ashes that were my life. At least that’s what I thought... But, like the phoenix, something beautiful and majestic did come out of my personal pile of ash. As my blistering skin and my burnt out heart began to heal, I slowly realised how much God had used the pain for my good, just as He had promised to do.". I can absolutely relate to these words. Thanks for expressing them!! ;-D
    "If you let Him, He can raise a more beautiful you from your meaningless pile of ash. Trusting Him, you can be free to fly like the Phoenix.". Very good!! ;)
    You should write more often on here, as I have observed that your posts are sporadic. ;-D
    --Raelyn

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