FREE AS A PHOENIX

Mythical creatures have always fascinated me.

Not so much short little people with hairy feet- but rather griffins, dragons and the beasts of legends.  

The human imagination is a very powerful and amazing thing.

One of the stories that fascinated me most was that of the Phoenix.

As this beautiful bird would came to the end of its life, it would spontaneously rupture into flames and burn to a crisp, leaving nothing but a black, meaningless pile of ash as the only evidence of its existence.

This legend, however, was not a story of death but rather of new beginnings and new life.

The phoenix would arise from the ash as a more beautiful, more graceful, more magnificent version of itself.

Not much literature, however, dedicates itself to the understanding of how the Phoenix felt about its rather unusual life progression.

I have not been able to find any Oprah interview on the “end of life experience” of being burned to an untimely death.

I doubt the Phoenix (had it existed) would have been given an opportunity to write the bestselling autobiography, “Crispier than Chargrilled Chicken: The story of surviving the flames.”

If I were to speculate, I doubt the phoenix’s fiery rebirth into a new life was a very pleasant experience.

And in my spiritual walk, I can relate to the Phoenix.

Last year was probably one of the most challenging years of my life.

Through the combination of subtle struggles and the megaphones of major life changes, I was left metaphorically watching my life burn into a pile of ash.

I had fought so long to hold onto the things that I was idolising and the moment I finally decided to surrender them to God, all hope was seemingly lost as my idols slipped through my fingers.

Looking back I was pretty resentful to God.

I didn’t understand that He was with me through it all and I was struggling to trust that He had a plan.

He didn’t care, and my meaningless purpose seemed to be summed up in ashes that were my life.

At least that’s what I thought…

But, like the phoenix, something beautiful and majestic did come out of my personal pile of ash.

As my blistering skin and my burnt out heart began to heal, I slowly realised how much God had used the pain for my good, just as He had promised to do.

The choice to surrender began in a fire, but out of the pain of that situation, God has called me onto an incredible adventure and journey that has led me to a deeper understanding of grace, love and community.

While it wasn’t a sudden change, I now feel the wonderful joy of soaring on the thermals of His deep love and blessings.  

Before the flames, I didn’t really realise how much I was missing but He has used this time to show me, raising me as a more beautiful, more magnificent and more trusting daughter.

If you are enduring the flames that seem like the end of a life, I can’t really say anything that will take away the pain of fire and heat against your skin.

I can’t even tell you that you will come out as the same person or that parts of you won’t be scathed in the process.

What I can tell you is that Gods love, like the Phoenix, is immortal.

If you let Him, He can raise a more beautiful you from your meaningless pile of ash.

Trusting Him, you can be free to fly like the Phoenix.

I Will Wait...

 

 

 

I have always wanted to be a wife and a mom.

I remember the times when I used to play "Wedding" at my grandmother's house, donning a fly netting as a veil and prancing up and down the aisle that was her driveway.

 

Up until August last year, I thought I had it all figured out.

I knew what the dress would look like and what the wedding colours would be and even who (I thought) would be standing next to me at the altar.

I wanted this fairytale more than I wanted a relationship with God and so, in love, I think He did what needed to happen.

For my own good He took my relationship away from me...

 

It was my idol, and since the end of that phase of my life, God has been teaching me to challenge my idols and rely on Him, allowing me to learn what it means to be completely fulfilled and at peace.

It has not been an easy road, but it has been a good one...

 

Below is a poem that I wrote as my "declaration of obedience" at a recent Easter Camp, and it is something that I have to remind myself of day after day.

 

If you are struggling with singleness (as I often do), know that God is walking it with you and that He loves you and desires the best for you.

I hope that sharing this helps you as it has helped me...

I WILL WAIT...

I know not your name,

Nor the colour of your hair.

I don't know your likes, your dislikes,

or the things about which you care.

 

But tonight I spoke to God,

And I said a prayer for you.

I asked Him to give you strength and courage,

And faith in the things that He says are true.

 

If, and when, we are connected,

It will be only by God's ultimate plan and design.

I give my hopes and dreams to Him,

for our two paths to become one line.

 

But I want you to know that I am considering you,

with any man I may court now.

I will respect him and treat him as a brother,

knowing that unless he is you, to someone else he may one day vow.

 

I will use my singleness to glorify God,

And rely on Him in all that I do;

Allowing Him to ever mould me into the one that you need and deserve.

I give myself to Him, in waiting for you.

 

One day, if we are connected;

I will be ready to be at your side;

Having spent this time learning grace, dignity and a serving heart;

So that in God our relationship may abide.

 

Today I vow to reserve,

My heart and my body for you.

For as I stand at our future wedding,

Christ's bride will become yours too.

 

I know not whether you even exist,

but as I long and hope that you do;

Please note that you will have to ask God for my heart,

For in Him, I shall wait for you.

 

Robyn Moll

(31 March 2013)

You know you are at OP when..

God has given me many blessings in life.

Big, small, sometimes confusing but nevertheless abundant.

Like studying to become a veterinarian...

And as with most blessings, this one has come with intense hardships that have left myself (like many other vets and vet students before me) with a rather quirky sense of humour.

So this is for anyone that has ever called "Die Republiek van Onderstepoort" (i.e. vet school) home.

If you are or have known a vet student/vet nurse/vet, I hope this will make you smile...

 

 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE AT OP WHEN:

 

1) The average age of the student population is 24.

2) "Class" involves taking semen from an 800kg bull that is intent on killing you.

3) You know all too well what you use a long rubber glove for.

4) Pigs, cows, sheep, beagles and horses are part of the scenery on your walk to class.

5) All your friends are graduating and getting married while you still have 4 more years of varsity.

6) You've lost count of the number of times people have asked you, "So... Why didn't you become a REAL doctor?"

7) You own a shirt mocking said people. :P

8) Dodging cow and horse patties is a normal activity whilst walking to class.

9) Someone is walking a llama and no one finds that strange.

10) ICU shifts involve taking a dog out to poop...at 1am.

11) "Drugs" is a module and not a bad lifestyle choice..

12) You take modules that have course codes that begin in 5, 6 and 7.

13) Peak hour traffick involves fork haylifts, unicycles and stampeding cows.

14) To be called Prof, you would have to be at least 37 years old.

15) You are expected to be use the terms "ejaculation", "vagina" and "coitus" in
conversation with your lecturers during an exam.

16) You spent 3rd year in constant fear of being locked in the "fridge".

17) Your neighbours are cows.

18) Party themes include "G.I. Joes and Barbie Hoes"

19) Guys come to the party dressed up as the barbie.

20) Girls rugby is a sport that gets more spectators than a normal match.

21) Walking into a class and looking for the male students is like an akward,
real live game of "Where's Wally?"

22) You see someone singing "Staying Alive" to keep time whilst giving CPR.

23) The smell of formalin, 3 day old rumen contents and recently deceased animals no longer brings tears to your eyes.

24) There are sign up sheets in class to be models for a nude calender... for you AND your pet.

25) You can say "Truncus Vagosympathicus et Accesorius" without a flinch.

26) You have mastered the lethal art of drawing blood from a cat.

27) You have spent seasons of your life not eating custard, porridge, and cottage cheese thanks to references from path class.

28)You can name the nerves in your friday night KFC.

29) Dinner time conversation includes the topics of rectal palpation.

30) You know the going ons of res and campus through the very informative "LooNews"

31) You think that green overalls and gumboots is a good fashion choice.

32)Your friends and family seem to have an overwhelming urge to share with you their concern for "Fluffy's" abnormal excreta.

33) You responded to those concerns by asking them to describe the colour, smell and consistency of said excreta.

34) Sleep is an optional extra- if you have the time.

35) This post has left you with a familiar smile.

Thanks to all the friends, colleagues and family that have shared the unique adventure that is Vet School with me. Here's to three more years of blood, sweat, tears and other unmentionable body fluids...

ps. never shake a vets hand... I know where it has been...