Never Ending War

Battles all around;

Of shame and pain and lust.

Choking the life out of our flawed perception of Freedom.

Clouding our vision as we seek to find the truth.

The familiar voice taunts us, telling us half truths and whole lies;

Undermining the depravity of our sin and then shaming us when we give in.

Broken lives,

Broken hearts all around.

This is the life of the Never Ending War.

Our future seems hopeless.

We are the fallen ones, the Fatherless, the lost generation giving in to our flesh.

Clinging to the promises of a world that cannot sustain.

Our thirsty hearts call out for a Savior.

The One who is imprinted into our very DNA.

From the depths of our souls we can feel the void.

We are lost; And we cannot see.

Yet...

From somewhere comes the whisper;

The precious, sweet voice that calls us by name.

And as we open our hearts; we can feel His presence;

A soothing balm to a tired, weary soul.

He speaks of love, and of mercy and hope.

The truth, in it's power, shatters the lies.

Our hearts are filled with the sweet drenching of Grace. 

Our world shifts as our chains fall free.

We are but the same weak soldiers.

Yet we are clothed in His righteousness;

We carry His sword;

We wear His shield.

The words that once crippled us are now meaningless;

As we have tasted the reality of the mercy-filled truth.

He is the King.The Alpha and Omega.

The One who died to pay our debt.

We are clay to His gentle hands;

He is molding us into who we were born to be.

We are truly His and His alone.

Our identity remodeled and our souls set free.

He has ended the Never Ending War.

The cross at Calvary declares, "It is Done!"

But by Grace and Grace alone;

The battle rages on; but the War is won.

Soulmate...

 

  

My heart beats for my Soulmate.

He is water for my thirsty soul.

Where I once was broken and abandoned,

He is making me undeniably whole.

 

I am His, for now and always.

From the beginning, until no end.

He is the One I will live for;

My Soulmate, my dearest friend.

 

There is no man or significant other,

Who can take His place in my life's stride.

It is God who stands alongside me always.

First and foremost, I will be His Bride.

 

I will give Him all that I am.

I will serve Him with all of my heart.

There is no power on earth or below,

That from Him, will tear me apart.

 

While I hope and long to serve a husband.

A Godly man at whose side I will stand.

I pray that his Soulmate, too, is Jesus,

Before God, we will kneel hand in hand.

 

In every chapter of my life's story,
God will play the main character's role.
He is my King, Friend, Dad and Saviour,
With His blood, He has won my soul.

Robyn Moll
28 December 2013

(Image source, Google Images, with thanks!)

God's Glory in Earthworms

It’s that awful time of year again.

When the coffee comes out, the books get spread all over the house and sleep becomes an optional extra - if there’s time after cramming hundreds of pages of “Cardiology.”

Yip. It’s finals time.

Regardless of what September holds for you, I think this time of year is tough on everyone.

Some people are working hard leading up to exams (whilst us un-conforming vet students are writing them) and the majority of others are bogged down with work leading to year ends.

It’s in this space that we tend to forget about the more important things in life… like earthworms. J

Yes… earthworms.

I don’t spend a lot of time outside anymore (unless you consider the practicals involving chasing down cows) and I certainly haven’t picked up a spade and got my hands dirty with gardening in many, many years. But I am blessed to live in a home that has a beautiful, multi-floral garden that’s lovingly tended to by my mother.

A garden which, if I’m honest, I take far too little time to appreciate.

But, as I’m sure you may know, procrastination often leads you into long forsaken places.

So today, in one of my not so productive moments, I decided to forsake the books and take upon wandering around the house in search of food and company.

These ventures lead me outside into the fresh spring air, where I discovered my mother digging up the soil and gardening in anticipation of summer.

As I watched her, I noticed the soil moving, alive with many little earthworms, hard at work.

If you consider the biology of earthworms, it may be a little crude to consider that their entire purpose is to eat rubbish and, well, recycle the nutrients back into the soil. They effectively poop back what the plants and insects that habituate the ground so desperately need.

They work tirelessly, unseen, all the while adding to the beautiful, magnificent creation that shines the glory of our magnificent God.

An ecosystem is dependent on these (and other similar) creatures, and everything from food, wildlife and pretty gardens are somehow linked back to a little worm that seems, well, insignificant.

The last time I considered an earthworm, was probably ten years ago, but since then, these little guys have been continuously hard at work, making my garden beautiful, whilst I was too oblivious and busy to notice.

It’s amazing and mind boggling to consider how perfectly God created our planet, and how stupidly I’ve chosen to ignore it in the midst of my stress and trials.

So here’s to remind you of a few things.

1)     Whatever you’re currently facing, God hasn’t stopped working around you to make things beautiful.

2)    Take some time to appreciate the blessings you have. One minute, to consider an earthworm, has served to remind me of my ultimate purpose to glorify God that goes way beyond writing exams or work. And that’s a pretty de-stressing thought.

3)    No job or situation, no matter how sh%*tty, is ever too insignificant to be used to glorify God. Just ask the earthworm, whose only purpose is to “poop for God”. J

God’s beauty and your purpose are far bigger than the studying, job and trials that you may face. You just need to take the time to notice.

Hope this made you smile!

 (Image source, with thanks: 

http://www.biodiversitygardening.com/earthworms.html)

Why I won't marry my soulmate

If there is one thing you should know about me, it is that I am a totally hopeless romantic.

I love “rom-coms” and have spent far too many hours observing other people’s love stories over and over again. It draws me in and reminds me of some of the deep desires I carry in my own heart.

Hopes for my future, and dreams about what one day may be…

So it may come as a surprise to you to learn that I have no intentions of

“marrying my soul-mate”.

A little contradictory, I know, but nonetheless…

Despite every rom-com I’ve eagerly absorbed and all the gooshy, sloppy romance that has been imprinted on my DNA; I am in no way planning on donning a white dress, carrying a pretty bunch of flowers and walking down the aisle to join my kindred soul in matrimony.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have every desire to marry (and do all that romantic wedding stuff); I just know that my groom won’t be my soul-mate.

To me, a soul-mate is someone that you deeply desire despite never having met; someone that has been imprinted into your very being; someone for whom you yearn for with the very fibres of your being.

A soul-mate should be that person who you know that you could never live without, because your very existence is interwoven with theirs.

Someone far greater than any mortal man or woman.

Someone like Jesus.

In my relationship with God, I have come to understand that He chose to love me, to never hurt me, to never forsake me, to never use or abuse me, to raise me up and call me His, even when I was totally undeserving of that. 

That love; that unending, all-forsaking, despite-everything kind of love; is one I know I’d never be able to live without.

 Sure, I would love to marry a man one day, and I would love to serve that man just as God calls wives to do.

And I’m hoping that if I ever have that privilege, I would choose someone who I know I will love with everlasting, passionate love. I hope to find a husband who will bring as much joy and happiness into my life as I will theirs and who I can love until

“death do us part.”  

But I won’t spend any amount of time looking for “the one” or put the undue responsibility on any human to “complete me.” If I get married, in all my efforts to live out a Godly marriage, I hope to remember that I am first and foremost created for my real soul-mate, and not my spouse.

My soul-mate will always be someone greater than any future husband and while I may be His daughter and His bride, He is not a mortal man that I desire to marry.

I may be single now, but my soul-mate has already called me His…

(image source, with thanks: Google Images)

A "Daddy" Kind of Love

I find it really easy to see God as a just ruler and judge.

I can relate to Him as an almighty God but I often struggle to see Him as a loving dad too.

In this space it is hard for me to share the pain and anger or fear I may be feeling with Him, as I tend to believe that He would condemn me for my apparent lack of faith.

But recently, God has been teaching me about His loving heart, and His really big shoulders that can carry my burdens.

I recently shared a conversation with someone I care a lot about.

Someone who I know to be struggling and could really use God's help.

She was just sharing her life with me, but her words were heavy with a deep set pain and a fear-filled uncertainty for the future.

Something about her really struck me, and I longed for God to reach down and help her, but just at that moment, He didn’t.

And I was left feeling pretty angry.

Angry at God who had promised to provide for His children.

Angry that He did not seem to want to help this lady despite knowing that He had every power and ability to do just that.

Why didn't He just help her and take away her pain?

Why didn't He fix the injustice of this world?

I –obviously- knew beyond doubt what she needed.

I –of course- had the most perfect plan.

And I –with all my authority and wisdom- had decided that now was the time to see change in this life and I was angry at God who didn’t seem to be going along with my perfect plan…

So there I was, fuming and angry, knowing full well that God would not care to engage me on this anger.

I mean, to serve Him I need to be totally accepting that He has a plan and never feel anything but awe and reverence to that, right?

So He wouldn’t get it, and if I took this to Him He would condemn and judge me for my lack of trust and obedience.

It’s amazing what we can convince ourselves of if we simply start trusting our own assumptions instead of taking the risk of finding out the truth…

I spent two days walking around being grumpy and angry, ignoring God in much the same way as a sulking child would ignore their parent.

My intentions, I suppose, were honourable or at least understandable, but I had carried them out in a rather ridiculous assumption that somehow by avoiding God my self-righteousness made me right.

But after a while my resolve ran out…

I was standing in the shower when the contempt that I had bottled up finally spewed out in an angry torrent of hastened prayer.

I told God about this lady, and I told Him how mad I was, and I told Him about how I felt that He had let her down. I called on His grace and mercy and reminded Him (because, you know, maybe He had forgotten??) that He was meant to care for the lost and to reach out to the oppressed.

I spoke the last sentence and waited, listening through the silence.

All the while, I am sure He was there, patiently listening, waiting for me to get it all out.

What happened next may have been my own mind. Or it may have been the prompting of the Holy Spirit within me.

Either way, a thought gently crossed my mind. And it came as what His response could have been…

“Robs, you have loved this person and have shared her struggle for eight months.

 But I have known every moment of her life, and have been with her through every pain.

 I love her, and I have got this…”

Sigh… How do you argue with that?

I felt chastized.

Whether or not this was Him, I knew it was right and I shouldn’t have come to this as I should trust and not question and….

…. “and right now you are hurt, and you can tell me. Because I love you, and I am your Daddy.”

Ever seen a kid that bashes their head, and runs up to Daddy crying because it hurts?

Ever seen that Dad wrapping his kid up in his arms and holding him close till the pain went away?

That’s my dad. That’s Him.

I’m sure He will help this special lady when it is the right time.

I hope He does.

But He doesn’t have to work in my time to be a compassionate and Holy and incredibly caring father.

And maybe it’s ok for us to be hurt and angry and yell and scream and have a little tantrum.

And maybe, just maybe, He will react by wrapping us in His arms and making our “ouchies” that much easier to bare.

FREE AS A PHOENIX

Mythical creatures have always fascinated me.

Not so much short little people with hairy feet- but rather griffins, dragons and the beasts of legends.  

The human imagination is a very powerful and amazing thing.

One of the stories that fascinated me most was that of the Phoenix.

As this beautiful bird would came to the end of its life, it would spontaneously rupture into flames and burn to a crisp, leaving nothing but a black, meaningless pile of ash as the only evidence of its existence.

This legend, however, was not a story of death but rather of new beginnings and new life.

The phoenix would arise from the ash as a more beautiful, more graceful, more magnificent version of itself.

Not much literature, however, dedicates itself to the understanding of how the Phoenix felt about its rather unusual life progression.

I have not been able to find any Oprah interview on the “end of life experience” of being burned to an untimely death.

I doubt the Phoenix (had it existed) would have been given an opportunity to write the bestselling autobiography, “Crispier than Chargrilled Chicken: The story of surviving the flames.”

If I were to speculate, I doubt the phoenix’s fiery rebirth into a new life was a very pleasant experience.

And in my spiritual walk, I can relate to the Phoenix.

Last year was probably one of the most challenging years of my life.

Through the combination of subtle struggles and the megaphones of major life changes, I was left metaphorically watching my life burn into a pile of ash.

I had fought so long to hold onto the things that I was idolising and the moment I finally decided to surrender them to God, all hope was seemingly lost as my idols slipped through my fingers.

Looking back I was pretty resentful to God.

I didn’t understand that He was with me through it all and I was struggling to trust that He had a plan.

He didn’t care, and my meaningless purpose seemed to be summed up in ashes that were my life.

At least that’s what I thought…

But, like the phoenix, something beautiful and majestic did come out of my personal pile of ash.

As my blistering skin and my burnt out heart began to heal, I slowly realised how much God had used the pain for my good, just as He had promised to do.

The choice to surrender began in a fire, but out of the pain of that situation, God has called me onto an incredible adventure and journey that has led me to a deeper understanding of grace, love and community.

While it wasn’t a sudden change, I now feel the wonderful joy of soaring on the thermals of His deep love and blessings.  

Before the flames, I didn’t really realise how much I was missing but He has used this time to show me, raising me as a more beautiful, more magnificent and more trusting daughter.

If you are enduring the flames that seem like the end of a life, I can’t really say anything that will take away the pain of fire and heat against your skin.

I can’t even tell you that you will come out as the same person or that parts of you won’t be scathed in the process.

What I can tell you is that Gods love, like the Phoenix, is immortal.

If you let Him, He can raise a more beautiful you from your meaningless pile of ash.

Trusting Him, you can be free to fly like the Phoenix.

I Will Wait...

 

 

 

I have always wanted to be a wife and a mom.

I remember the times when I used to play "Wedding" at my grandmother's house, donning a fly netting as a veil and prancing up and down the aisle that was her driveway.

 

Up until August last year, I thought I had it all figured out.

I knew what the dress would look like and what the wedding colours would be and even who (I thought) would be standing next to me at the altar.

I wanted this fairytale more than I wanted a relationship with God and so, in love, I think He did what needed to happen.

For my own good He took my relationship away from me...

 

It was my idol, and since the end of that phase of my life, God has been teaching me to challenge my idols and rely on Him, allowing me to learn what it means to be completely fulfilled and at peace.

It has not been an easy road, but it has been a good one...

 

Below is a poem that I wrote as my "declaration of obedience" at a recent Easter Camp, and it is something that I have to remind myself of day after day.

 

If you are struggling with singleness (as I often do), know that God is walking it with you and that He loves you and desires the best for you.

I hope that sharing this helps you as it has helped me...

I WILL WAIT...

I know not your name,

Nor the colour of your hair.

I don't know your likes, your dislikes,

or the things about which you care.

 

But tonight I spoke to God,

And I said a prayer for you.

I asked Him to give you strength and courage,

And faith in the things that He says are true.

 

If, and when, we are connected,

It will be only by God's ultimate plan and design.

I give my hopes and dreams to Him,

for our two paths to become one line.

 

But I want you to know that I am considering you,

with any man I may court now.

I will respect him and treat him as a brother,

knowing that unless he is you, to someone else he may one day vow.

 

I will use my singleness to glorify God,

And rely on Him in all that I do;

Allowing Him to ever mould me into the one that you need and deserve.

I give myself to Him, in waiting for you.

 

One day, if we are connected;

I will be ready to be at your side;

Having spent this time learning grace, dignity and a serving heart;

So that in God our relationship may abide.

 

Today I vow to reserve,

My heart and my body for you.

For as I stand at our future wedding,

Christ's bride will become yours too.

 

I know not whether you even exist,

but as I long and hope that you do;

Please note that you will have to ask God for my heart,

For in Him, I shall wait for you.

 

Robyn Moll

(31 March 2013)

You know you are at OP when..

God has given me many blessings in life.

Big, small, sometimes confusing but nevertheless abundant.

Like studying to become a veterinarian...

And as with most blessings, this one has come with intense hardships that have left myself (like many other vets and vet students before me) with a rather quirky sense of humour.

So this is for anyone that has ever called "Die Republiek van Onderstepoort" (i.e. vet school) home.

If you are or have known a vet student/vet nurse/vet, I hope this will make you smile...

 

 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE AT OP WHEN:

 

1) The average age of the student population is 24.

2) "Class" involves taking semen from an 800kg bull that is intent on killing you.

3) You know all too well what you use a long rubber glove for.

4) Pigs, cows, sheep, beagles and horses are part of the scenery on your walk to class.

5) All your friends are graduating and getting married while you still have 4 more years of varsity.

6) You've lost count of the number of times people have asked you, "So... Why didn't you become a REAL doctor?"

7) You own a shirt mocking said people. :P

8) Dodging cow and horse patties is a normal activity whilst walking to class.

9) Someone is walking a llama and no one finds that strange.

10) ICU shifts involve taking a dog out to poop...at 1am.

11) "Drugs" is a module and not a bad lifestyle choice..

12) You take modules that have course codes that begin in 5, 6 and 7.

13) Peak hour traffick involves fork haylifts, unicycles and stampeding cows.

14) To be called Prof, you would have to be at least 37 years old.

15) You are expected to be use the terms "ejaculation", "vagina" and "coitus" in
conversation with your lecturers during an exam.

16) You spent 3rd year in constant fear of being locked in the "fridge".

17) Your neighbours are cows.

18) Party themes include "G.I. Joes and Barbie Hoes"

19) Guys come to the party dressed up as the barbie.

20) Girls rugby is a sport that gets more spectators than a normal match.

21) Walking into a class and looking for the male students is like an akward,
real live game of "Where's Wally?"

22) You see someone singing "Staying Alive" to keep time whilst giving CPR.

23) The smell of formalin, 3 day old rumen contents and recently deceased animals no longer brings tears to your eyes.

24) There are sign up sheets in class to be models for a nude calender... for you AND your pet.

25) You can say "Truncus Vagosympathicus et Accesorius" without a flinch.

26) You have mastered the lethal art of drawing blood from a cat.

27) You have spent seasons of your life not eating custard, porridge, and cottage cheese thanks to references from path class.

28)You can name the nerves in your friday night KFC.

29) Dinner time conversation includes the topics of rectal palpation.

30) You know the going ons of res and campus through the very informative "LooNews"

31) You think that green overalls and gumboots is a good fashion choice.

32)Your friends and family seem to have an overwhelming urge to share with you their concern for "Fluffy's" abnormal excreta.

33) You responded to those concerns by asking them to describe the colour, smell and consistency of said excreta.

34) Sleep is an optional extra- if you have the time.

35) This post has left you with a familiar smile.

Thanks to all the friends, colleagues and family that have shared the unique adventure that is Vet School with me. Here's to three more years of blood, sweat, tears and other unmentionable body fluids...

ps. never shake a vets hand... I know where it has been...

For an incredibly special and brave family...

*I would like to dedicate this post to the Weinerlein family that is fighting a hard and difficult battle.

It may be a tad random and I do not understand the weight of your battle nor attempt to trivialise it in any way but my heart was with you as I wrote this and I wanted to dedicate this post to you.

I hope that you can find the purpose in your battle and that you may enjoy the humour in mine...*

 

 

 

Anyone who has ever received some form of education for any length of time will know the awful time of having to write the dreaded end of year exams. Now for us strange folk that hail from "Die Republiek van Onderstepoort"(i.e. vet school), end of year exams occur from early September till mid-October. I don't know if this is as a result of them drilling us so hard through the year that they know we would never really make it till December (certainly feels that way!) or if it is because our lecturers enjoy having their own lives and own vet practices to spend their year end focussing on, but either way this system has left me bogged down under the books for the past 4 weeks.

 

Needless to say, I have spent much of that time getting way too little sleep, eating far too much junk food and living in a room that is spectacularly clean due to the very real fact that scrubbing floors becomes a very useful form of procrastination when the books start to call.

 

It has been an incredibly up and down time for me emotionally too, as this years exams have been the hardest set of exams I have ever written. The length of time over which we write (6 weeks in total), combined with the sheer volume of work that each of my 10 modules present has transformed the past 4 weeks of my life into a series of desperate cramming/praying sessions as I am forced to face what feels to be an enormous sense of inadequacy.   

 

As every exam approaches and as every exam is written and "conquered" (with varying prospects of actually passing it) I have been forced to rely more and more not on my own sense of ability but rather on the infinite power that I can draw from God. It is absolutely amazing how much our faith can be increased in our times of desperation and apparant helplessness.

 

Now the concept of writing an exam to some may not seem all that challenging or warranting of the desperate scenario in which I have just described...

I, however, would challenge those individuals to be the one sitting the oral exam in which an external examiner is asking you to name (in latin) all the plant species that serve as differential diagnostic causes of blindness in cattle.

And of course, it is in that precise moment that your mind, after days of non-stop studying, chooses to conjure nothing more than pretty images of butterflies and fairies. 

 

We each have our own battles (and I am really not undermining yours), but this is one of my particular brands...

 

But nevertheless, God is faithful.

I have made it out of those said exams, in a cold sweat and a cloak of relief, with some prospect of passing and I have made it out of others with a certainty of failing and the hope of a supplementary exam.

All the while though, I know that God remains faithfull and near my side.

 

Life can be full of tough questions that feel like they have no answers and it can be full of the challenges in life that feel that can't be faced alone.

I can't tell you why that person you love got sick. I can't tell my friends in vet school why their best may turn out to not be good enough to get them through after 4 years and more money than they had to give to this dream.

And I can't tell you why my beautiful twelve and ten year old cousins (despite knowing that God loves them more than my human mind can comprehend) could be left with a disease that prevents them from being able to move their joints without being in almost unbearable pain. Nor why their parents should stand by, helpless, when I'm sure they would gladly carry the infliction on themselves if it meant that it could spare their children.. 

 

What I can tell you is that these situations don't feel like they are meant to be endured alone.

Because they aren't. And because you arent..

Regardless of your battle, God is with you.

And he loves you.

 

For me, sitting in a room with 2 lecturers and a series of impossible questions may seem scary. Untill I remember that there is someone else in that room who loves me enough to make it be ok, regardless of the outcome...

 The same someone who sits in the hospital room with you. The same someone who is right next to you, listening to you desperately pray out the big questions in life, the ones that seem to have no answer.

 

When I have been stressed for an exam, I take the time afterwards to go and walk a dog. Utterly random, I know, but as I walk this cute little beagle and as I watch her sniff out all the smells and interact with the variety of animals we have on campus, I always feel that God opens my eyes to the bigger purpose in my life.

For me, I know that God has called me to be a steward of the things of this life that reflect His glory.

And maybe He wants me to do that through being a vet. Maybe He doesn't. But despite the outcome of the exam or the battle, He is with me and He has a purpose. And watching the peace of animals helps me to see that.

 

He has a purpose for your life. He is with you through your struggles. And regarldess of the outcome of each little batlle, take the time to remind yourself of that.

 

Much love...

Robyn

God is way more awesome than two letters next to my name.

On most days I love what I do. I find it challenging, fascinating, rewarding and at times outright wacky. How many other professionals out there can say that they have been bitten, peed on, licked, been covered in fur and –my personal favourite- stood arm deep up a cow, “all in a days work”.

It saddens me, however, to see the minority of individuals within the medical fields that can destroy the integrity of the profession through their arrogant, “I am God”, attitudes. It seems that making life and death decisions somehow makes people feel in control of life and death and the result is a professional that feeds off the supposed status and power of being a “doctor”.

Now it’s hard to imagine why this same attitude is prevalent amongst some vets – I mean, standing ankle deep in stressed-out-cow poop with an appropriately poop-covered tail swishing back and forth into your face was never my idea of the God of the universe- but unfortunately I have also witnessed this undeserving attitude amongst some veterinarians too. 

So this post is written to my future clients, with a request to never accept this attitude from me. Here’s why…

In many ways pop culture highlights the status of “doctor”. It is seen often in popular series and movies. Somehow having the letters “Dr.” next to your name makes you super-cool and awesome (and promiscuous if we’re going with the television series). Often medical practitioners are portrayed as super-humans, making life and death decisions in seconds and having no space for the seemingly meaningless field of faith.

“Everything backed by science and no such thing as a miracle”.

Yes, life and death decisions are made daily by these people, but I will tell you first hand that “Doctor” does not equal “God”.

I will one day make decisions that help the body’s own mechanisms to heal itself, but I cannot in my own strength heal the body. I make the decision of euthanasia when the probability of life is too low or too painful, but I can never breathe life into any creature. I can never will a heart that is dead to start beating and I can never guarantee life or death. I can artificially deposit sperm into the uterus of a cow at precisely the right time to match ovulation but I cannot make that beautiful miracle of two fused cells multiply and grow into what will be the fluffy, wobbly bundle of a calf 9 months later.

And the same applies to death, no matter how textbook a routine I perform, no matter what drugs and treatments I may give your pet, when God says that it is time, I am completely powerless to stop it.

With all the science and knowledge that I will have spent 7 years shoving into my head, I will come out surprisingly not in control.

…And to be honest, I’m seriously grateful for that.

Without the pressure and weight of those decisions I can know that I will do all I can to help and assist in the healing of my patients. I can share the miracles with you when they come and I can carry the pain with you over your losses, not as someone superior to you but rather as someone like you but uniquely gifted to help your pet. I can bare the brunt of your misguided blame in the pain of your loss knowing that at the end of the day, it was never my decision to make.

Yes I will fail, and at times my failure will be costly. Yes, at times I will make the decision to end the life of those in pain. But when I close my eyes at night I will be at peace knowing that the life that exists within my patient is a gift that only God, and not I, can give and maintain.

One day, as a vet, and even now to an extent; I am a steward of the creatures of this earth. I believe that that God created all the majestic animals around us as a unique and special gift to humankind. I see the dog that breathes hot smelly breath into your face first thing in the morning, and I see the cat that coldly acknowledges you from the end of the bed. I see the working German Shepherds that keep our streets safe by sniffing out inaccessible scents of parcels that were destined into the illegal drug trade. I see guide dogs guiding their blind companions safely on their way.

I know that as I see people eating that cheeseburger, wearing those leather shoes, adding milk to their coffee, I will have helped in ensuring those animals’ safety so that the gifts that they give to humans will be safe for human consumption.

When God commanded Adam to be master over the creatures of the earth, I believe it was a gift for human use that came with the responsibility of protection and care. It is this ideal that drives my love of this profession.

As I will one day be a care-giving steward of one of Gods amazing gifts, how could I ever feel entitled or empowered by it? It is a calling on my life, and not something that makes me equal to God himself.

 So maybe one day I will become a vet.   And when I walk across the stage at my graduation, and when I walk into my office everyday of my career, I will know that I am certainly not God. I am but a humble servant, gifted with knowledge and opportunity to serve you and help your pet in the hopes that through it, you may look to see the miracle of the animals around you that God has blessed you with. Maybe when I “save” your pet, you will be able to recognise and be grateful for God using me and in those moments when I help you let your pet go, you will know that I am your sister in Him, simply allowing Him to take back the gift that He once gave.

If you are grateful to me one day for treating your pet, rather just appreciate His glory in choosing to use someone like me to steward his creatures, cause everyday I know that I will be too.

Life is a Miracle...

WOW. What an incredible suprise of a day did I have a few days ago.

Let me give you a bit of an update...

As a vet student, I love being around animals. It feels almost necessary for me to surround myself with a variety of furry creatures. I love keeping pets and caring for my animals as a way of "fuzz therapy"- reminding myself of the innocent passion that made me fall in love with this profession. 

So what better way to do that than with my two furry guinea-pig roommates, Scotch and Soda.

I aquired Scotch in October last year. A sweet little guinea pig with long hair and a fiesty personality. He was a blessing to have around but the more I researched caring for guinea pigs the more apparant it became that guinea pigs are social creatures that cherish furry company.

So on the 1st of April I purchased Soda-an adorable bedheaded guinea pig to befriend Scotch.

Scotch and Soda... my guinea pig collection was complete, or so I thought.

As a vet student, I am obviously well versed in the reproductive realities of keeping male and female animals together. But as a responsible pet owner and vet student, I had Scotch go in for the big-pig-snip well before I bought Soda.

In my mind, there was no way that I wanted to allow my pets to even have the possibility of breeding. And knowing the various medical risks of reproduction, I believed that I had done everything necessary to ensure no future guinea-piglets.

So yesterday morning, I was sitting chatting with my mom and we had the guinea pigs cuddling with us. She was holding Soda. My mom turned to me and remarked,

"Is your guinea pig not getting a little fat?"

Yes, I had noticed Soda's belly expanding somewhat, but I was feeding my pigs very good quality feed and Soda seemed to have quite an appetite, often bullying Scotch for his food. I had been feeding them more than the recommended amount of food to ensure that both pigs got enough, so it seemed logical that she was getting a bit tubby.

"Robs," my mom continued, "her spine and ribs are prominent so she cant be fat, but her belly is very expanded. Are you sure she isn't pregnant??"

Of course I was sure, I had done everything to prevent that...
 But as my mom said the words, it was like my eyes had been opened. My guinea pig was definately pear shaped, a classical sign for pregnancy in guinea pigs. Frantically I consulted a vet who confirmed the diagnosis- not only was she most likely pregnant, but she was likely very far along. 

How could this have happened, and how did I, as the responsible vet student, not pick up on the obvious?

The gestation period in pigs is 2 months, and having had her for only one month, it became obvious that she had probably been doing the hanky-panky at the pet shop. 

Knowing the risks for a young guinea pig to go through pregnancy it came as a shock and huge concern for me. I hadn't prepared for this and it seemed a bit of a disaster to my "perfect plan".
Dystocia, death in labour, rejecting the babies, having to wean and rehome up to 6 baby guinea pigs- my concerns were mounting and I felt a dreaded guilt at not realising the situation sooner to provide better care for this poor little creature. 

5 years ago I wouldve been over the moon with excitement for this new adventure, but 3.5 years of vet school has hardened me to the harsh realities of life...

So that evening I was sitting in my lounge cuddling my very fat pig. I had my hand under her enormous belly, gently stroking her up her back while she "giggled" in only the way that guinea pigs can.

Then I felt it... the strong kick of life coming from within Soda's belly. And then another, and then another. 

It was the most magical feeling in the world...

Feeling the absolutely amazing miracle that is life, the cynisism within me slowly melted away.

So yes, sometimes I plan things supposedly perfectly.

With my knowledge and experience, I can ensure that things won't go unexpectedly- no suprises and no room for mistakes. 

But God has other plans- and at the end of the day the things that are least expected are often the greatest of miracles.

Yes, the risks are still very much there, but at the end of the day I am certain that whatever happens, God is still in control. 

This little adventure has turned into a beautiful reminder from God that despite the cynicism that my studying and that the stress of this world may throw at me...

...Life is truly a miracle.

xxx

  I wrote this post about two weeks ago.

On monday evening I was sitting in my res room cramming some work for a test I was due to write when Soda started making some soft guinea pig noises.

When I went to check on her all was well and so I got back to the books.

About fifteen minutes later Soda was still quielty "talking" and when I went to open up her house to give her a cuddle I was encountered with 2 little adorable, fluffy baby guinea pigs.

Mom and baby pigs were both fine, my fears had been relieved and the beautiful little creatures have wormed their way into my heart. 

God truly is amazing and I am grateful for His work.

To some these creatures seem small and insignificant, but when I watch them, running around and eating and playing, it is just a small reminder to take a moment to appreciate God's signature that is beautifully written in the world around us. 

Robyn