I have always wanted to be a wife and a mom.
I remember the times when I used to play "Wedding" at my grandmother's house, donning a fly netting as a veil and prancing up and down the aisle that was her driveway.
Up until August last year, I thought I had it all figured out.
I knew what the dress would look like and what the wedding colours would be and even who (I thought) would be standing next to me at the altar.
I wanted this fairytale more than I wanted a relationship with God and so, in love, I think He did what needed to happen.
For my own good He took my relationship away from me...
It was my idol, and since the end of that phase of my life, God has been teaching me to challenge my idols and rely on Him, allowing me to learn what it means to be completely fulfilled and at peace.
It has not been an easy road, but it has been a good one...
Below is a poem that I wrote as my "declaration of obedience" at a recent Easter Camp, and it is something that I have to remind myself of day after day.
If you are struggling with singleness (as I often do), know that God is walking it with you and that He loves you and desires the best for you.
I hope that sharing this helps you as it has helped me...
I WILL WAIT...
I know not your name,
Nor the colour of your hair.
I don't know your likes, your dislikes,
or the things about which you care.
But tonight I spoke to God,
And I said a prayer for you.
I asked Him to give you strength and courage,
And faith in the things that He says are true.
If, and when, we are connected,
It will be only by God's ultimate plan and design.
I give my hopes and dreams to Him,
for our two paths to become one line.
But I want you to know that I am considering you,
with any man I may court now.
I will respect him and treat him as a brother,
knowing that unless he is you, to someone else he may one day vow.
I will use my singleness to glorify God,
And rely on Him in all that I do;
Allowing Him to ever mould me into the one that you need and deserve.
I give myself to Him, in waiting for you.
One day, if we are connected;
I will be ready to be at your side;
Having spent this time learning grace, dignity and a serving heart;
So that in God our relationship may abide.
Today I vow to reserve,
My heart and my body for you.
For as I stand at our future wedding,
Christ's bride will become yours too.
I know not whether you even exist,
but as I long and hope that you do;
Please note that you will have to ask God for my heart,
For in Him, I shall wait for you.
(31 March 2013)